I’m discovering at I am an emotional blogger. Much like an emotional eater with food, when I feel an intense emotion I turn to my blog. The lack of inspiration lately, aside from my little ” protest“, is indicative of my mental state. Things have been good. Great actually! The teenagers have been less like alien creatures inhabiting my children’s bodies and more like my boys again. The pressure of running two small businesses hasn’t broken me …….yet. Things have been good. So good I have had no interest in venting or ranting. Well, more honestly, I have been afraid to rock the proverbial boat. Life with teenagers is like a roller coaster ride in complete darkness. You really have no idea what to expect or when the highs or lows will come. There is no preparing for them and certainly no control. Your first time on the ride is a white knuckled, wildly careening, terrifying hurtle through time and space. You just hold on for dear life and pray you don’t get thrown off. The second time around you are thrilled to have a vague idea what turns are coming and it’s a little easier to handle. My oldest son, the poor kid, bears the weight of breaking new ground and having first time parents to a teenager. All I can hope is that for every mis-step there are two good parenting moments and that the successful ones are what he takes away from it all. I, of course, suffer through questioning and over analyzing my every move and decision. The, what if’s and I wish I’ds, rule my every thought, waking or otherwise. I recently read one of those cute/insightful/inspirational little quotes that are shared so often on Facebook and it was dead on -“90% of our problems are caused by our own thoughts.” In my case at least this is entirely true. If I could just relax, let life unfold and trust that things will work out for the best then things would be so much less stressful. Unfortunately it seems to be my lot in life to worry about every minute detail whether I can control it or not. It is a flaw and I recognize it and I am working on it. Will I be successful? Baby steps…….
Tonight I am smiling at the return of my son’s beautiful smile and the wonderful time spent with his head on my shoulder, solving puzzles on my iPad together this evening. Moments like that I wish I could wrap up in my arms and live in them forever. He’s nearly 18 and we can still have that kind of affection, that to me is a huge deal. The fact that, daily, my boys hug and kiss their father and I and tell us they love us is a triumph in itself and it is what I focus on when life gets tough because it really is enough to carry us through. With love like that how can we fail.
Going to sleep happy and content.