If someone ever invents a cure for stretch marks I am going on wrap my legs around their waist and kiss them until it becomes incredibly uncomfortable and a restraining order is necessary.
I am a big believer in loving yourself but sometimes Mother Nature needs to just go suck it.
Seriously, I’m ok with the features I inherited. I’m no super model but I’m no Mugly.
However, it is the crap I wasn’t born with that I take issue with. Stretch marks are top of the list. Why is it all of these celebrities posing for these fabulous pregnancy nudes are line free? Could the universe really been this cruel. Fabulous wealth and skin like a newborn?! I choose to believe Photoshop. I shudder at the outcome if my mind is allowed to believe otherwise.
Then of course is cellulite, sagging and moles. Beauty marks my ass.
I am all for aging gracefully. I have no interest in fillers or implants and no one is rejuvenating MY girlie bits! I mean, c’mon……..ewwww. One day I may even rock a silver ‘do but for all that is holy can my parts just stay put and unmarred! Can I not go one year without looking in the mirror to discover a new continent has been added to my map? I mean really , must I pay forever for the sunburns of my youth? I know carrying life in my body was a miracle, I don’t need to look like I was mauled by a sabre tooth in the process. And why the hell do my eyebrows seem to have given up their job of holding my eyelids up?
I will take my laugh lines and crows feet when they come but the rest of it can go to h-e-double hockey sticks.