Rehtaeh Parsons

I’ve been trying for three days to write this post but I had to keep stopping because of my overwhelming feelings of anger, disgust, sadness and disappointment.

A tragedy happened here in Canada, a very avoidable tragedy. Not the first tragedy nor the last but a sad story that’s getting everyone’s attention. A young girl, 15 years old out with friends, people she should’ve been able to trust, has a bit too much alcohol and the boys that were with her decided that her inebriated state was an invitation to take what they wanted and they raped her. A horrible story but sadly it doesn’t end there, these boys then decide to take pictures of the horrible thing they were doing and post them on social media for everyone to see. Instead of the other kids being shocked and outraged that a classmate and friend assaulted in such a terrible way they taunted, mocked and bullied her relentlessly. The authorities, the very people whose role in society is to bring justice in situations like this turned a blind eye, saying there wasn’t enough evidence, when clearly there was photographic evidence that is easily traceable back to the phone it originated from. The school refused to help this poor young girl as the other students tortured her to the breaking point when she finally left school, moved and then admitted herself to the hospital for treatment for the psychological fallout of this horrific crime. A year and a half later, after desperately trying to move on and go forward with her life in spite of all that had happened to her something triggered this poor young girl to make the decision that her life would never be good again. She felt that she just didn’t have any other options but to take her own life, devastating everyone who loved her.

Is this a unique story? No, unfortunately it’s becoming more and more common. We’ve all heard about the horrific story in Steubenville, Ohio and unfortunately every day somewhere in the news you can hear for read a story just like this one. Before technology advanced to the point where we’re all connected instantly the victims of crimes like this had at least some chance of healing and moving beyond being the victim. Now, there’s just no running from it. There’s no forgetting about it. The viciousness that is the undercurrent of our current society, the mindset of blaming the victim and finding pleasure in destroying them completely makes it impossible for anyone to be able to heal after suffering this kind of assault. How could you possibly be expected to move beyond that terrible moment and to rebuild yourself mentally and physically when you’re constantly being attacked, constantly being reminded of what happened to you and even worse you’re being told that it was your fault.

What really sickens me is all these people that seem to think that just because a girl or woman is intoxicated that it is her fault if the men in her company decide to physically violate her. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, we should all be able to expect basic human decency and that when someone is in a vulnerable state his or fellow man will care for him or her and not take advantage and do harm. I have two teenage sons and I can tell you right now if I ever discovered that one of them participated in a gang rape or the videotaping of this act I would march them down to the police station myself and demand they be arrested. If you are a parent and you wouldn’t do this very same thing and you are letting your child down. You’re not teaching them right from wrong or that there are consequences for their actions. I believe that my boys would step in and help the victim in a situation like that even if it meant taking flak from their peers they would do what is right. I have to believe that, I have believe that I raised them right but if I ever found out that I was wrong I would make sure that justice was served and that they learned in that moment that their actions were wrong. Stephen Harper, our Prime Minister, a man I am not normally very fond of, said it very clearly,

“I think we’ve got to stop just using just the term bullying to describe some of these things. Bullying to me has a connotation of kind of kids misbehaving. What we are dealing with in some of these circumstances is simply criminal activity,”

My heart breaks for Rehtaeh Parsons and the family members left behind in the wake of this tragedy.

This young girl was let down not by one person, not by four but by an entire community. She was let down by those boys who should have shown her common human decency,. She was let down by the justice system. She was let down by the education system. She was let down by the parents of the boys that raped her and by the parents of the children who tormented her after-the-fact. She was let down by her peers, the people that she called friends. She was let down by humanity.

She wasn’t a tree in the forest, they all heard her falling they just chose not to help.

How many Tweets can a Twit Tweet if a Twit can Tweet Tweets

 

I hate Twitter. There, I said it. I find it to be a breeding ground to some of the worst negativity out there. Now, having said that I must admit ……I have three accounts. One is my personal, one is for my company and one is for this blog. I rarely/sporadically update or Tweet if you prefer. Instead I am more of a Twitter voyeur. I search people that interest me and then I stalk their tweets and sometimes mentions. I weave in and out of profiles, clicking on people that comment and then through them onto the next person who has caught my interest. I never read their profiles because quite honestly, I don’t care. I read interesting conversations and rarely add my own two cents. It’s like being the proverbial fly on the wall. A true guilty pleasure and a very creepy one at that. I see how personal some people get and how angry, self righteous, indignant and cruel they can be. I see how obsessed some become with celebrities and when these celebrities respond how delusional some people are with their belief that they are now friends. I see so many proclamations of love to famous people and invitations for them to come to individuals homes should they be in the area. It’s amazing how seeing someone on t.v or a movie screen can make someone feel like they know them. The direct access to these celebrities through Twitter heightens this misconception to such an extreme it is sometimes disturbing to see.

I have to admit when I have had some very intense reactions to celebrities myself. After his whole divorce/couch jumping/scientology debacle I found myself disgusted by Tom Cruise and to this day can’t enjoy a film with him in it. Jennifer Aniston who I used to think was such a cutie irritates the hell out of me , Leeann Rimes who I never cared about is now a freakshow I can’t stop watching,  Julia Roberts is no America’s sweetheart if you ask me and Chris Brown…..well it’s better if I stop there. All of these opinions were formed on what I think I know about them. Have I ever met them? Nope. Will I ever…unlikely. Does my opinion matter to them at all…..nope. These things hold true for most people and yet they get on Twitter and other social media and because there is a chance the celebrity will see what they are saying they feel there is a connection. The feel like this famous person knows who they are. They believe they have the right to say whatever they want. Some will defend their favourite star in the most fervent and sometimes frightening manner.  Others will attack and issue threats as if they believe such behaviour holds no consequence. It really is a sad commentary on our society. I honestly don’t know why I contribute to this.

So, now I must go and post a link on my twitter account to this post. Cheeky little monkey aren’t I!

 

What is wrong with people? Attempt #2

Unfortunately, though completely my fault, my previous post lost its intended message in the backstory. I did not intend to write a post about celebrities famous for behaving badly or even to start a commentary on the on the right or wrong of infidelity ( for the record it’s always wrong but that can be another post). I merely wanted to start a conversation about how social media allows people to say things that in a normal situation they would keep to themselves. I wanted to discuss how on sites like Twitter, normal average people can simply turn into the most vicious type of bully. The anonymity of hiding behind a computer screen seems to bring out the most hateful side to some peoples personalities. The example I gave in the last post involving those particular celebrities was just that, an example. There are millions of examples of people on Twitter and other social media sites attacking one another and saying the most horrific things. I have seen people encourage someone to take their own lives. I have seen people bring God into the issue and state that the person shouldn’t be allowed to have children simply because that person is outspoken or dresses a certain way. I have seen people threaten physical violence against others and make the most offensive, racial, homophobic and derogatory remarks to each other, all from the safety of their own home. It’s mind blowing! This type of behavior is cowardly and cruel. I’m not saying each and every one of us hasn’t had a nasty thought about someone else from time to time but society usually dictates that we use a little bit of discretion and keep our thoughts to ourselves. Most of us realize that these thoughts that we’re having, if spoken, are probably not going to reflect very well on ourselves for one, going to cause pain to the other person that we can’t take back and that we may change our mind five minutes later so if we’ve spoken those words we may regret it. These commonsense barriers between the thoughts and the spoken word seem to cease once you’re in front of the keyboard. There seems to no longer be any fear of repercussion or care or concern about the fact that the person receiving your comment is just that, a person. Guaranteed these people railing against celebrities online wouldn’t have the courage to walk up to that celebrity and speak their mind the way they do behind a keyboard.

There’s been so much talk lately about bullying, And I think most of us when we hear that word, bullying, we envision children. Sadly, the simple truth is adults bully each other all the time. Adults can be bullied at work, at sporting events , pretty much in any aspect of life but the latest trend in online bullying takes it to a whole other level. Things that would rarely be said in person are said in the most vulgar and hurtful manner. The bully feels completely justified in commenting and I quite often see them stating that they have the right to their opinion. There is no remorse when confronted about their actions, just angry justification. While this may be true, they do have the right to their own opinion, they do not have the right to inflict that kind of pain and another human being. They do not have the right to threaten, demean or attack another person. I can’t imagine how overwhelming it would be to be the one person who has hundreds of people saying these horrible things to them and delighting in their pain . All the while for the whole world to see.

I wish it was it is simple as having the rest of the world stand up to these bullies online and tell them that their actions are wrong but sadly I’ve seen that happen too and it isn’t well-received. It isn’t a Disney ending to the story where the bad guy realizes he’s done something terrible, apologizes and tries to make it right. No, usually the story goes more like, the bad guy then gets some backers who have the same opinion, the group then gangs up on, threatens and harasses the person who was standing up for what is right. It then snowballs until there can’t be one single person involved who feels good about themselves or the situation. How is this good for our society? How is this good for mankind as a whole? What is the solution? Should law-enforcement step in and start prosecuting people for online bullying more vigilantly? Should issuing threats be taken more seriously by the police? Or is the problem much deeper and basically a deep set flaw in the human psyche, something that simple punishment can’t cure.

Social media brings out the worst social behaviour

 

Let me start this off by saying I have never watched the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills nor am I a country music fan. In spite of these two facts I have become very aware of Brandi Glanville and Leeann Rimes vicious feud. A little back story for those of you blissfully unaware, Brandi Glanville was a model who married a man named Eddie Cibrian. They had two children before it became public knowledge that Eddie was in fact a douchebag who cheated, repeatedly. How it became public knowledge is that one of his affairs was with Leeann Rimes, also married,who was apparently a famous country artist. Now, normally I wouldn’t even look twice at an article about these people but the way it all played out was so scandalous and distasteful it was hard not to notice. Video and photo evidence of Eddie with Leeann were everywhere and by everywhere I mean every rag mag and paparazzi fueled gossip website to which I am embarrassed to admit I pay attention. Following the big reveal of the affair was an apology by Eddie and then endless stories about Leeann stalking him because she just couldn’t give him up. Having never met any of the involved parties I just shook my head and moved on because none of it affected my life and I would never know what was true and what wasn’t. Then came TWITTER WARS!!!! -cue dramatic music here.

Again, through gossip sites I started hearing about how Leeann Rimes now in a relationship and then a marriage with Eddie, was constantly battling it out via Twitter with Brandi. This made me curious because how could a woman who did something so shameful as have an affair,  to a married man, have the balls to talk smack about the scorned ex-wife. What could she possibly be saying? I had to know. I must admit I then became fascinated by the whole debacle. At times I was even tempted to shame Ms. Rimes myself on Twitter but then thankfully I realized it isn’t any of my business. However, there are many, many people, men and women who seem to think it is their business. People who spend a great deal of time either harshly criticizing or adamantly defending either Leeann or Brandi. These two women have managed to rile up some pretty intense emotions in people. The online bullying among the “adults” is astounding. They viciously attack whichever women they despise and then when the fans “defend” that woman they viciously attack the fans. It truly is a toxic environment. The hot button topics are Leeann constantly rubbing her “happy” marriage in Brandi’s face and frequently mentioning the two sons Brandi and Eddie have together as if they are her own. As a mother I can understand how this would be painful for Brandi because your children are so precious to you the mere idea of another person competing with you for their affection is excruciating. However I think with time and healing it would become a relief to know that the stepmother loved and cared for your children while they were with her. Unfortunately it doesn’t come across as sincere with Leann and more like an unnecessary attempt to hurt the woman who had her man first. Maybe that isn’t the case but is definitely the vibe being given.

Brandi herself is a polarizing character because instead of fading into the background and suffering in silence she has been shouting her pain and anger from the rooftops. She went on a reality show, wrote a book and has given countless interviews about what happened. Some people see her as a hero to all women scorned and others see her as an opportunist who used this terrible situation to gain notoriety.  The self admitted “filter-less” ex-model is brash, over the top and unafraid to say whatever enters her head. Her personality is at once admirable to some and a major turn off to others. Leeann on the other hand has taken the unusual route for someone who played the role of adulteress and has portrayed herself in interview after interview as the victim, unable to help the fact that she fell in love. Obviously not a popular take on the situation for a lot of people. Though, because she will respond to people on Twitter, feeding the delusion that they know her, there are people who fervently defend her and feel she has been unfairly treated.

The part that bothers me about all of this, aside from the fact that I ever cared to follow the story, is the way that people on Twitter feel they can say the most unbelievably hurtful things to these two women and to each other. Hidden behind a computer screen they attack fearlessly. Not an ounce of human decency is shown. Rarely do you see anyone encouraging these women to put the ugliness behind them and never an instance where someone tries to see both sides. More importantly, it never seems to occur to either Brandi or Leeann that making their personal lives an off limits topic may be the best thing for the two children involved. To them I would say-Talk about your careers, such as they are, but leave your personal issues for behind closed doors. Stand up to this nastiness by being united in this and I’m sure you would both find life a lot easier and the healing would begin.

Just Keep Moving, There's No Rape Culture to See Here, Folks

Reblogged from Views from the Couch:

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I remember the cop, visibly annoyed with being burdened with the task of taking my statement, leading me into the tiny room and I remember the panic bubbling up when he shut the door behind him. I think he typed 5.5 words a minute. I told him the whole story. It seemed like we were in there for hours. Maybe because he took that long to type or maybe because the designers of that tiny room, with the door closed, made no allowance for personal space.

Read more… 2,622 more words

A powerful post about the darkest depths of our society.

TBH – I wish you kids valued yourselves more

For anyone who doesn’t know what a tbh is, first off, lucky you. It stands for – to be honest and it is a thing kids do on Facebook where their status reads: ” like this status for a tbh” and then when their “friends” ” like” the status they then put a comment on that persons wall stating how they feel about that person. Usually this comment is a gushing, positive declaration on what a great friend the person is and how cute/funny/adorable/hot etc they are. However, sometimes it is used to blast/rear down the person or acknowledge how little they know someone who is listed as a “friend”. Frequently there is then a number placed at the end of the tbh and this is the part I find abhorrent. This number is a rating from 0-10 on the child’s looks and overall appeal. Yep, you read that right. There is also a rate or date status which is exactly what it sounds like. These kids tell their peers what they rate them and if they would date them or not.

This to me is wrong on so many levels. Why are these kids wanting to assign a number to someone else’ value. Why would they need to hold that power over another person? More upsetting, why are these kids allowing someone to affect their self esteem this way. Why are they voluntarily giving another person the opportunity to judge them publicly and by participating making it clear that they care what the person’s opinion is of them. How insecure, narcissistic and damaging is this process. I remember being a teen and having crushes. The worst thing would be not to have the feelings returned but with this system the kids have created, you now are faced with public humiliation. At best it’s passive aggressive bullying with these kids allowing themselves to be bullied. I know, I know, they hope to get positive feedback but why chance it? There will always be someone who doesn’t like you.

As parents are we failing our kids by not instilling in them the knowledge that they need to believe in themselves and not rely on the opinion of others to validate their self worth? Are we not building them up enough? Are we not teaching them to value each individual as they are, perceived flaws and all? Are we not educating them on good morals and the importance of doing no harm. We all grew up with bullies, we remember their taunts but isn’t the damage that much more severe when it comes from someone you consider to be a friend. I don’t think many of these kids realize what they are doing but it is important to show them how hurtful this can be.

I was so proud to see a friend of my youngest, a 15 year old girl wise beyond her years, address this very issue in her status.

Why do we give each other rates? We shouldn’t “rate” a person…what a great way to ruin one’s self esteem…
-S.S

So for any kids out there reading this, the next time one of your friends puts as their status -like for a TBH -please reply……. no thanks, I like myself too much for that.

Yay spring and the return of happiness!

Spring is in the air and the feeling of rejuvenation really resonates with me and where my life is at right now. Recently life took a turn into the darkness but I am feeling- not just seeing- the light now! My family is back on track and our strong bond and the love we have for each other is what carried us through. I have seen the return of my son’s smile! A gift like no other. I have witnessed how fiercely my little crew will fight for one another and how important we are to each other. Lessons have been learned, trust was broken but is now being rebuilt. My love for my husband, who stood strong by my side through everything, has grown exponentially.

I’m not a fool, I know life will always take its ugly turns but getting through these tough times lately has only made me stronger. I will use these trials the next time life gets difficult as an example of what we can accomplish together. I will look at the pain, confusion, despair, anger and hurt and I will see what we have overcome and I will know that we can get through anything.

So, for now, I’d like to set aside the dark introspective posts and have some fun with my blog. Like I stated in my post “the Whole Package“, there are many sides to me and its my blog so you are going to get it all here.

Yay spring! Yay life! Yay getting through the dark! I am celebrating the light right now!